in the wild

You know the scene in Mean Girls where Regina George is dangling Aaron Samuels in front of Cady by saying "Tell him his hair looks sexy pushed back..." and Cady imagines tackling Regina like a cheetah or some other manner of big cat and starts a jungle brawl in the cafeteria?

That's what it's like when I see this dude. Let's call him... "Tranny." The story behind our disdain for one another is irrelevant- all you need know is that we were close for many years and now aren't even facebook friends. srsly. totes a BFD.

Any-hweigh, I, as a rule am not generally a giant queen. I don't strut, I don't snap, I don't give people nasty looks, and generally don't subscribe to the notion that every gay man has a little black woman in him.

... at least I normally don't.

Picture this- Tranny walking one way down a hall, me the opposite (I look pretty great today as luck would have it.) We're a good fifteen seconds or so from each other and our eyes meet for the first time. Immediately, the following things happen:

The pulse quickens
The spine straightens
The pupils dilate and narrow
The eyebrows arch instantly into perfect upside-down Vs
My steps become more rhythmic- not slower or faster, but more purposeful

Luckily, I've remembered to keep my sunglasses tucked into the top button of my shirt and I take them and slip them over my eyes. Yes. I seriously did that.

Strut past, stare straight ahead.

RUN FOR YOUR MOOD STABILIZERS, IT'S THE WERECUNT!