the best thing that happened in 2010

You remember in middle school- those first couple crushes you had that just made you fucking nuts?

Maybe you were one of the fortunate people who actually didn't get rejected by that person. If you were, you should probably stop reading. You won't get the rest of this entry. I love you, but if you don't have that nasty thirteen-year-old heartbreak inside of you, you will probably just write this off as silly and flowery and emo. And I simply can't have that. You see, I'm wildly intelligent, witty and articulate and you're not getting any reason to think otherwise outta me, nosirreebob.

So anyway, back to my point. If you're like me, you can narrow your childhood unrequited love tragedies down to a couple of people. Do you remember how they made you feel? You could scarcely think their name without your heart reaching a fist up to your brain and clocking it, good and square in the emotion-maker. You were so young, so not suave, so stupid with your heart, and so foolish that it was all you ever thought about- and when you weren't thinking about it and it came back to you and you realized that you had stopped concentrating on it for even thirty seconds your heart sank because you thought the power of positive thinking was all you had going for you. There really aren't words for any of this stuff.

What if you felt this way as an adult?

What if every time you found yourself interested in someone they just melted your face off with their looks, their voice, their smell, their kindness, their talents, their cute little fucking shoes... UGH. How would you perform daily tasks? How would you deal with being an adult in the world with them?

And then what if they kissed you? Not just a silly drunk kiss, but the kind that you're not entirely sure is okay until it's already happening- then it is happening and it's so good. Then you realize that they're happy, too! They pull you closer, press harder and give you more of themself because they want to. But then it ends?

How do you cope then? Actually, really really easily... there's so much less confusion. Because nothing has changed in the world except that you're able to think about something else. You can meet other people, go on dates, maybe fall in love. But you've gotten that crazy out of you, so you're able to do it with a more sound mind and grateful spirit. And yeah, every once in a while you can remember it and let your heart flutter for a couple seconds as you swoon, but it's over. You're free. You don't have to wonder or fake it or try and forget any more.

My theory is this: that ridiculous feeling? It isn't love. It's just one of those stupid landmark-type things we all need to do. Like falling off a bike, or getting a cavity filled, or puking your eyeballs out because you drank too much vanilla smirnoff and orange sodas. You do it, you remember it forever and you know how to move on. Now aren't you lucky?