expectations

It's fun when not everything's predictable and boring. Take, for example, a bag of microwave popcorn- will the next piece you put in your mouth be a fluffy, tender morsel, all salty and buttery and delightful? Or will it be one of those stealthy little assholes- the kind that start out properly but once you bite a little deeper, you find is actually not entirely popped- and wants to break your teeth, weed-whack the roof of your mouth and remove your soul through that weird place at the back of your throat where it gets stuck for the next week?

If that's not the spice of life, then I'm doin' it wrong!

Every day there is an expectation waiting to be exceeded, or maybe not met at all. People make you feel great about yourself without saying a word, the train doesn't come when two should have passed already, your job is easier than you want, your family doesn't really miss you all the time the way they say they do, professors you hate remember you by your answer to an essay question, professors you adored make it all-too public what they think of you (which isn't much,) you happen to be looking out the stupid window when the same jerk you try EVERY day not to check out walks by three times within one hour (probably just to feed his ego) and snap your face back to your computer rapidly each time, praying you weren't noticed (though you were. that was the whole point.) The biggest idiot you've ever laid your hands on is apparently in some sort of relationship- which you don't care about because of any emotional attachment to said twerp, but because he, somehow is not alone and you are. Maybe he'll steal some tennis shoes from the guy he's seeing now, to match the $170 jacket he stole from you. You sit at work (clearly working your little fingers to the bone) and your boss just gives you some cherries- not because she's done with them, or can't finish them on her own, but because she likes them and thinks you should have some, too. And out of nowhere, you're whining to your blog and realize that all the things about today that are good or bad have something to with someone else. You remember that it might rain- and remember your umbrella (the cute one with the wooden handle) and that you actually remembered to grab it on the way out the door this morning and toss it into your new bag- the one people think looks like a diaper bag (it does, but it looks like a nice diaper bag.) you lean over, look out the window, and it isn't raining at all. the sun's out and its probably really muggy and gross and too hot and you won't need the umbrella, after all. But the sun is out. and you have such a cute umbrella. and you smell really good, today. your birthday is next week and you'll be 23 years old. over the years, you have, one by one, met each and every one of the coolest people in the entire world and wrestled and tricked them into being your circle of friends. your little brother has a learning disability. your mom doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up, though she's had a fairly successful career being creative and smart. the bitch that ended the life you'd been living up to a year ago just walked by holding the coffee cup that she once said was part of what defined her. you say goodbye to the person you have a silly crush on- and it's like you've had a stroke and are re-learning speech.

you go home for the day.

see? not the blog you were expecting to read.